kidney stones

A Non-Surgical Cure for Kidney Stones

In my first months in Peru I had kidney stones. For those of you who have never had kidney stones, they're the most painful thing you can imagine. People have compared passing a kidney stone to giving birth (although that comparison inevitably pisses people off...even though it is frequently made by women who have both given birth and passed kidney stones). For me, I can vouch for the fact that kidney stones are painful and that's enough. Seriously, kidney stones break you, I don't care how tough you are. The pain just increases slowly, incrementally for like 12 hours as you writhe there in agony unable to do anything (least of all urinate). Just imagine having to take a piss really bad for like 12 hours and simply not being able to...this accompanied by the sensation that a pinecone covered in razor blades is traveling through the inner workings of your body. It sucks! I sincerely hope that giving birth isn't as bad because I wouldn't wish kidney stones on anyone.

Typically, the United State's crappy health care system thinks the only way to handle kidney stones is to have either surgery, or to pound them with damaging sound waves that leave your body all black and blue. Well, when I was in Peru (cheap flights to Lima) the family I was living with got sick of dragging me into the hospital at 3 in the morning for anti-agony injections, so they decided to just cure the kidney stones for once and for all.

You want to know how they did it?

Olive oil.

Seriously.

Actually I didn't much know what I was in for the night of the cure. My Spanish still sort of sucked so most of my communication came through waves and giggles. Speaking in general, I would say that I'm a pretty skeptical person, so I don't usually go for miracle cures that sound like quackery. However, back in those agonizing days of kidney stones in Peru, I simply didn't have the strength to fight people when they wanted to experiment on me. They got to do their cure from beginning to end, and let me tell you...as crazy as it might sound, it works! I haven't had a kidney stone since I did the Olive oil cure over 8 years ago.

Here's what you do:

Take a glass of Olive oil.

Drink it ALL!

Wash down the coating of Olive oil that lines your throat afterwards with warm water and lemon juice.

That's the hard part.

Next, all you have to do is sleep sitting up all night (so you don't throw the Olive oil back up). In the morning, the Olive oil will have worked itself into your kidneys and your stones will come out like lubricated pellets with your morning urination.

Seriously, why WOULDN'T you try this? If you're scheduled for some invasive surgery that involves shoving a rusty catheter up your urethra, heck, what's a cup of Olive oil going to cost you?

Honestly, after this whole fiasco I was kind of pissed off that no western doctor had told me of this cure. It's frickin' SCIENCE...I TRIED IT!!!!!!!!

So the next time you're in Peru (LAN flights) keep your eyes and ears open to wild and crazy experiences you never thought you'd have. Your life just might be changed forever for the better.